Wow so about a week ago, I was feeling really numb and flat. So I hopped out of the shower, pried apart a shaving razor, and cut my fucking face. Without even really thinking about what I was doing.
I'd had an accident with a tree branch earlier, which left a small scratch above my eye, and for some reason I thought, "Oh I have an excuse no one will notice if I add to it" and then cut above my eye, my cheek, and my nose.
The last time I cut was almost nine months ago... I wasnt emotional at all. I wasnt thinking at all.
Jesus christ.
~
school has been... tiring. I can feel myself constantly on a countdown, Countdown to the end of the period. Countdown to the end of the day. Countdown to the end of the week. It's horrible, how I'll realize that I have three days left and this wave of hopelessness will wash over me.
I think the worst is math class. Not because It's super difficult yet, but because it's the last class of the day. I'll sit there and want to scream and cut my face and tear out my hair.
On a side note, I'm getting a tutor soon for math.
I'm always tired.
Mornings are actually physically painful. I want to cry and it feels like dragging myself through glass to get up. It hurts. And it doesnt get any better as the week goes on - if anything, it gets worse. I feel it in my teeth.
~
there's plans for Monday for some friends and i to go to the newly opened 'Trampoline World!'
So that's something to look forward to.
One of the people who's coming is a girl that I have a huuuuge crush on. A mutual friend asked her what she would say if I asked her to prom, and she said that she'd say yes.
HO-LY SHIIIIIT.
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