Cuz who doesnt love crying in front of your parents

Well, today was that whole 'family therapy meeting' thing.
It was no better than expected.

I was a bit amazed at how much my dad understood, and how little my mom did.

It started with them saying how ever since I was tiny, I could lie perfectly, keep secrets. I still can. If there's something I don't want you to know, you wont ever know it. If you figure something out about me, it's because I let myself drop hints and let down my guard.

I've mastered the art of being absolutely invisible if I want to be.

Then it went around to them realizing that the whole 'me cutting myself on thanksgiving' incident WAS mainly their fault due to miscommunication.
 (This is when I started crying)

Then about how they were always trying to adjust my reality, how they have already decided what I am going to do or say, as expected of me.


Then they started talking about how I never say 'I love you' - and it's true. If I ever say I love you, even jokingly, I mean it. You are a very special person, family to me. I just don't say it casually, or if I don't mean it just to be nice.

Then about my separation, lack of communication with my mom. She's just not a very likable person, but I didn't say that. I was dying to point out that if she kept acting like she had a business relationship with everybody, it was hard to get close to her. Anyways, I don't share much more with my dad. I'm just used to communicating with my friends about anything important.

Then we talked about how they thought that I was just being shy and quiet because of anxiety or stubborn rudeness. I explained that I was quiet because I live most of my life in my head, being 'introspective' or whatever the word is. Creating worlds and destroying them. Multiple layers of thought all going at once without being loud or confusing.
And how I just prefer to be alone.

It ended with my therapist 'strongly suggesting' (AKA I will eviscerate you if you ignore this) that we don't talk about anything to do with this at home. Thankfully, they agreed. I don't think I could handle any more.

It wasn't fun. I don't want to do it again, but therapist and mom both want me to have a one-on-one session with her. Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaats.... not gonna be fun.

~

In other news, I got the MRI. I had an EEG done a week ago, but this is the apparently more dramatic sounding procedure.
We get there, tech guy gives me earplugs and lies me down on the slidey thingy, and off we go into the hole in the middle. In shows or movies, they never seem to show how very tight an MRI is. There was maybe two inches between my nose and the top of the machine. If I were claustrophobic, I would have had a not too fun time. But they sedate people who are panicky. (hmmm...might be interesting).

I just drifted off. Meditated, just going into that half asleep, half awake thing. I mastered doing this at will in school. It was very loud, but once you got used to it, it wasn't bad.

And it came back... completely clean! What. a. surprise. Amazing that I am among the many people who just have one seizure in their life because of a random electrical surge in their brain.

And really, all I'm worried about is if I can get a copy of the scan. I wasn't to see m brain, because then it would be a brain looking at itself, which is awesomely trippy.

My badass grandma is coming in sometime today as well.
Yup.