woah suicidal where did this come from

Yeah so I was really very severely depressed/suicidal for most of Thursday and Friday.

oopsie daisy.

It's been a while since I got THAT low.

But I don't know what happened!

huh funny coincidence that it happened in the first fucking week of school.

HUH.

My parents say that 'silly' stuff like medication is 'nonessential,' so I have my appointment with my therapist Sept. 4, and will get medication maybe two weeks after that.

Motherfucking fuck.


Because I am bored, here is my school schedule:

1A - Spanish (no)
2A - math (FUCK NO)
3A - Draw I (eh)
*lunch* (I walk around with my friend instead of eating)
4A - chemistry (teacher is British and likes setting things on fire so)

1B - Fibers (FUCK YES)
2B - U.S. history (boring)
*lunch* (I sit in the lunchroom and get ignored)(by pretty much everyone)
3B - American lit (teacher obsessed with cats and doesn't wake you up if you nod off)
4B - Graphic design (photoshop. Teacher goes too fast)

so yeah.



also, I bought a dress, which means I now own three.

more than I've own in, what, six years?



You know, it's funny how if you're not good at math, you're stupid, but id you're not good at art, it's okay you're just not artistic.

also, I hate how I was seriously considering jumping out the third story window, like seriously, and yet 'feeling depressed' is not a valid excuse to leave school early.

It's weird - like my brain literally feels dark. like I'll just stare at my work for half an hour because I cant convince my hand that I can actually move. I don't know how to explain it. I have that tense 'I want to cry' feeling all the time, and I know that if I talk about it, I'll start bawling. I have before. Either that, or I will emotionally disconnect myself. Both are bad.

I don't know. I just hope I don't do something stupid before I can get help.