I'm Scared

This is a rather disturbing picture that I drew. (I can't tell if it'll pull up, just trust me). 

I am fairly certain that I'm clinically depressed, it fits everything I have. 

But how do you go up to your parents and say "Yo, I self harm, have an eating disorder, and need therapy. What's for dinner?"

No.

Doooooont think so.

And the strange thing is, literally, the only thing that's kept me from suicide multiple times is my fandoms. COME ON.

No, I'm not one of those hipsters that say "Oh, Supernatural is my liiiiiife." 

NO, LITERALLY, THIS IS WHAT KEEPS ME ALIVE SOMETIMES.

Supernatural tells me that family doesn't end in blood, and blood doesn't necessarily  mean family, and that anyone can change the world.

Doctor Who tells me that no one is unimportant, any one can be special.

Sherlock tells me that anyone can find a friend worth dying for, and anyone can be that friend.

These people are just actors.

Actors.

Story lines.

They don't even know what an impact they've made on me.

I connect - to them, to the story. I feel like I understand them, that they understand me.

I can laugh when they do, and feel actual mirth. 

I cry when they do, easy, loose tears, not painful sobs.  

I am happy. 

I am afraid of what will happen when this tiny thread - this tiny little connection - will stop working.

I am afraid of what I am becoming. 

Thank you for reading.

P.S.

Since I'm fairly sure the picture won't pull  up, I put it on my page, so just click my face and you can see it.

.