Words cannot describe how much I love you. How much I thank the universe for coming to be in just a way that allowed us to meet.
You stopped me from crashing into the stars in a fiery explosion in a world without air. I will stop you from colliding with the trees, from letting your soul be ripped from cold iron branches. I will never let that happen. We've met in the middle.
And one day, or maybe you have already, asked yourself how much people would miss you. You weigh the pros and cons of breathing.
But Darling, when I think of you asking me whether it would be worth it, I lean back and a hundred thousand memories will flood my mind. Hundreds of shared tears. Thousands of songs and poems. Hugs and kisses and snuggles. Whispers of toxic memories and mistakes that echo within us, that dissipate in the golden light of laughter to the point of tears and fingers running lovingly through your hair, leaving traces of starlight in their wake. Secrets. Jokes. Fears. Love.
And I'll say out loud that we have worn the seasons under our sleeves, on our thighs and legs, running down our cheeks. This is what surviving looks like.
How can you shake your head at the mirror when you are a cluster of stardust, endless crashing nebulas, Constellations knit arteries together, galaxies strengthen your bones, and our love will hold your hair behind you as you walk the universe. Regret is just an attempt to avoid what has already happened. The past is in the past.
Love, I know that you feel like you have to change the world, save everyone you come across. But you're young. You're young and you've been through so much. I want you to know that it's okay if you only save one person, and that person is you.
But you have saved someone. You saved me. You changed my world forever. You changed the world.
You're worried that I'll wake up and see you? That I'll be disgusted and leave?
Sugar, I'm awake. I know that you're not perfect. You have problems and quirks and battle scars, both mental and physical. Do you think I don't know that? I'm more awake than I've ever been, and Baby, I'm never going anywhere.
If you ever feel like you want to die, please remember that where you are will not last forever. After you graduate, you can buy a big yellow raincoat and live in a tiny fishing village somewhere and eat lots of soup and ride your bike everywhere and be one with the mist.
You can run to the city and reinvent yourself, be anyone and anything you want to be and get a tiny apartment and a cat and be one with the sparkling city lights.
The options are literally endless. There is actually no limit to what you can do, where you can go, what you can become.
When you hurt, reach out. People will listen. People will care. It hurts to know that you hurt, to know that you bottle it all up. I'm as tired of all this pain as you,. So let's just breathe, talk, and get some febreez all up in this shit-scented room of life. Sound good?
Anger, fear, jealousy... those are all part of being human. They're all something that every single person has. Never let it fester. Never let it bottle up into a Molotov cocktail of emotion, because one day, it'll explode, and you wont be the only victim.
Think of it like a car. Those emotions turn on a little light on the dashboard. It's not a bad thing, it just means that someone should take a peek under the hood, make sure that everything's okay. But if you let that light stay on, if you ignore it, pretending that it's normal, the toxicity will leak out and cause you to crash or your engine to fail.
If ever you feel so alive that you could die, like your atoms are straining to tears themselves apart, there are a few things I want you to remember:
- Somewhere in the world, someone's kissing a newborn baby. Someone is taking a deep breath in a bakery and someone is coloring their hair the color of the sky and someone just confessed their love for someone and you're alive to read this right now and you'll be okay.
-Humans give each other flowers as a sentiment. We hold each other's hands to say hello and dewdrops fall from our eyes when we're sad. We press our lips together and feel good by listening to vibrations of music in the air. We're all just little animals, having breakfast and falling in love beneath billions of stars.
- While you are the most beautiful/handsome person I've ever met, you are not obligated to be so. You are allowed to have days where an old shirt and pajama bottoms are all you can muster. Where even brushing your hair feels like climbing Mt Everest. And that's okay. That happens to every person sometimes.
- You are never obligated to stay with someone. You need to know when you're more in love with the memories of the person than with the person standing in front of you. And that is 100% okay. People change. You are not the same person you were two weeks ago, not even two minutes ago.
- And more than anything, remember that I love you. You have saved me, and you continue to save me everyday by giving me hope, just knowing that someone live you exists in the world at the same time as me.
- The universe is infinite. The stars don't care who you are or what you do. The galaxy doesn't care about that you mess up sometimes. You owe the universe nothing. You exist on your own terms.
- You do NOT have permission to kill yourself, I will not forgive you. I will always love you, but I will not forgive you.
I know that you hurt, but remember that the sky is beautiful and there are going to be times when we're sad and make mistakes but there are also moments when we will fall in love with the world and adore all the oxygen in our lungs and never be scared of ourselves.
Sweetheart, Let survival change from a battle cry to a victory march, because the war will be won.
And I've said these words so many times. I'll repeat myself as many times as I have to, until you're repeating my words in your sleep. And let it be known: every single word I wrote is the bona fide truth.
You will survive. We will survive together.
I love you.
I love you more than you could ever imagine.
<3 - Your Sopapilla
