Just let me swan-dive out of a window

It is close.
It is upon us.
Finals have come.



...


Fuck.

I just... I don't want to do this. I hate this.


This year, the state is testing out a new kind of final, called the GMAS, which I guess will replace the EOCT. But since it is the first year, we are the guinea pigs, and it doesn't count towards our grade.
So, the teachers were given ANOTHER test, the EOC, to give to us, which DOES count towards our grade. 10%, in fact.
BUT HOLD ON TO YOUR FLAPJACKS THATS NOT ALL.
No, two tests were not enough; so for whatever FUCKING REASON, WE GET ANOTHER TEST TOO.
the SLO, which counts for another 10% of our grade.

Three finals, roughly 18 tests, in three weeks.

They really want to see how far they can push us before we all start swan-diving out of third stpry windows. An I tell ya, its not gonna take much more.

You know how I've been almost completely emotionally numb for like, a year? Well the stress of these tests were enough to punch through the barrier. Which means I am now either numb or extremely anxious at any given time.

It started with a weird feeling in my mouth - a weird, tingly feeling, dry. It escalated to a panic attack, but hasn't gone QUITE that far again.

Though it could have something to do with my meds, we just doubled them; they're at 150 mg now.

Still, it's nice to just... feel something again.

~

Also, on a happier note, I went out with some friends on Saturday.
We were testing makeup on a friend who never wears makeup, for her to be ready for some giant awards thing at school.
She hated every second of it of course, so to make her feel better, we put makeup on her boyfriend, (basically my brother), as well. He looked ever better than her, if I do say so myself.
Then, we went out to eat.
The perfect evening.

A bonus, was that while we were walking around town, I got to hold hands with my crush!
... Even if it was complicated.
See, the girl  that we put makeup on has a hard time expressing affection, so she wouldn't hold my brother's hand. So, I held HER hand, and my crush held my other hand, and another person held makeup girl's hand, and my brother held HER hand. So we channeled all the hand holding energy into him.
Still.

As I was leaving my almost-brother's house, a crazy storm started up, with hurricane-force winds. Branches were blowing down everywhere, you could barely see through the rain, and pretty much half the town lost power, including stoplights.

So that was fun.

Finally, my uncle is flying in to visit us for like three weeks on Thursday. He's mentally retarded, but is a real sweet heart, and loves trains. So I'm looking forward to it.

They know what I'm thinking. Only aliens shpould have that information.

So bright and early Thursday afternoon, I got in the car and drove to the neurologist. Just a normal afternoon. Then a lady started gluing electrodes to my head.

It was for my 24 hour EEG.

Fuuuunnnnnnn.

Basically they glued a bunch of electrodes all over my head and chest, wrapped my head up in a wrap that made my brain feel like it was leaking out of my ears. Then they gave me a bag that was attached to my head via a shit load of wires.

It meant that I always had my head bent at an awkward angle, a constant headache, and yeah. Not a fun time.

AAAAAAND the cover slipped off while I was slipping, so I got electrode cream all over my pillow.

The next day could not come fast enough.

But it was so weird, because I'd see an adorable post from one of my ships ad be like AWWWW but then I'd be like "What if they can see my brainwaves and tell that I'm feeling proud of my OTP." So I just sat there watching Netflix all day.

Also, I found out that electrode cream is basically plastic in your hair.

Holy spring break, Batman!

Today I got back from my 'big spring break' trip.

It was beautiful. And wonderful. And amazing.

I went with my friend Bambi, her moms, and twin 10 yr old brother and sister to DISNEY WORLD!!!

Its great because,
A) four days away from my parents
B) Disney World
C) they don't give a crap about healthy eating while they're on vacation
D) DISNEY WORLD
E) four days with my BFF, yes please
F) DID I MENTION DISNEY WORLD

We left early Monday and spent the day wandering around 'old town' Orlando. It was basically two streets of tourist shops, but still fun. The store across from our motel was called "Machine Gun America."
I can't make this up.

Tuesday, we headed over to Magic Kingdom.
I always forget how long the lines are at Disney. Literally 80% of the time was waiting in line. When we first arrived, it was like "40 minute wait time?! Are you crazy?!" now it's like "AW HELL YEAH ONLY 40 MINUTES BARGAIN"

My friend, Quinn, had her birthday that day, so I asked her what she wanted from Disney. She wanted a princess, for irony.
I got her the seagull from Finding Nemo.

We did all the awesome rides, including my favorite, Big Thunder Mountain, twice. Except for Space Mountain, which was closed for maintenance.
The rest of Bambi's family left to check into our new hotel around 2, which left us to do whatever until they met up with us again at like 6. We decided to opt out of the fireworks show to wait in line for the aforementioned roller coaster, but we ended up seeing the fireworks right above us as we were hurtling along at 80mph, upside down.
I distinctly remember screaming "HOLY SHIT THIS IS AMAZING" at the top of my lungs.
Easily in the top 10 moments of my year.

Wednesday, we went to Epcot. We did the fun rides first, then went around to the different countries. I got oolong tea in China, and mango soda and hi-chew candy in Japan. It was great.

A great thing that happened was that while we were in line for the Space Mission ride, a girl who just moved from Britain started chatting me up. She was really shy, but started flirting pretty hard once we started talking. And yet... I never even got her name. *sigh*
AND, right when we left the ride, a guy started talking to me about the band on my shirt, (twenty-one pilots), and HE started hitting on me. Was it because I had my hair in a ponytail? A chemical leak? Radiation??? Who knows, but it felt great.

We left around four to go back to the hotel and swim. It was... very crowded. Then they had an outdoor movie viewing, which turned out to be Frozen. Which I'd seen at least 9 times, thanks to the fact that it was all any of the kids at the summer camp I worked at wanted to see. But I stayed and watched it anyway.

We checked out the next morning, hit ihop for late breakfast, and were home by 6:30. I discovered that one of the family members I can actually stand, Patrick, send me a belated birthday gift of a cat inside a banana. Ah, he knows me well. *wipes away tear*

Finally, a girl I've had a crush on for over a year, Izzy, started texting me. We're into the same youtubers, and we've bonded a bit. I'm way too much of a wimp to actually ask her out of anything, but we're meeting up at my Dad's art opening Saturday.

So excited!!!
Ah, I'm just really happy right now.