Sixth time's the charm

I went back to the meds doctor and gotten a new prescription for Effexor.

this will be the sixth medication I've been on.
None so far have helped.

I just feel...very... stopped up.
Nothing much is getting through, all the emotional muck and slime is getting blocked somewhere, and even though I can't feel it now, I also can't feel anything good. And I know that it all has to come unstuck sometime.

I just feel uncomfortable, almost.
Since I've been off my meds, the depression has rallied full-force. It's like this dragging down feeling in my bones; almost warm, but barely enough to be noticeable. Just enough to make it so that it's so much easier just to curl up in a ball on the ground and not wake up.

I just... I hate it, so, so much.

But it's also a bit addictive. It's what I know, all I remember, so a part of me doesn't want to move.

Some days I think it's really a miracle that I haven't jumped off a bridge.